


all the things i could never tell you

by dreadfulbeauties



Category: Pocket Mirror (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, Flowers, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-13 07:01:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28774254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreadfulbeauties/pseuds/dreadfulbeauties
Summary: There were times before when Goldia would try to understand Lisette.
Relationships: Goldia die Heilige/Lisette
Comments: 3
Kudos: 5





	all the things i could never tell you

Once upon a time (for that is how Lisette knows most stories begin) there were two girls irrevocably tied to each other, and the ill one didn’t have to constantly purge herself of impure thoughts. The story’s beginning is a painful one — that is what she remembers.

Here is the part of the story she likes the most: A crescent moon hangs high in the lilac-turning-to-blue night sky. They make their way through the thin, twisting path together. Lisette is careful to guide Goldia, lest she end up pricked by stray thorns. 

“You know, Lisette, I think everything that I’ve heard about you is wrong.”  
She looks at Goldia with weary violet eyes. _This is not the Goldia of the past, who would run away frightened or go as far as to hurt me in order to save herself. This is something different. This is a second chance. We haven’t reached the end of the story._ “You do?”

“You told me about how much you’re hurting. I don’t think you’re a bad person like everyone else says you are. You’re hurting, and… I don’t know. I guess I wish I could do something to ease your pain.”

She wishes she could take Goldia in her arms and tell her everything. Tell her of the ill girl cast out and warped by hate because no one made an effort to understand her — they saw her as something to dread, so that’s what she fashioned herself to be. Tell her of her name and who she is, how she’s not a whole but only a fragment that is destined to love this version of herself she _could_ be. She doesn’t deserve to be an unfortunate puppet strung around by a force beyond her control. But instead, Lisette looks to the stray rose petals sweeping across the ground, one red edge peeking out from beneath her boot.

“That’s kind of you.”

_What if this isn’t Goldia? What if this version of her rejects you in the end? That’s always how it goes._

“ _Is_ there anything I can do?”

“I don’t know, truth be told. But we have somewhere to be.”

They make their way to the top of the hill, nature’s beauty marred by the gravestones littering the grass. She thinks that perhaps a part of Goldia knows — not the whole truth, but maybe there is something just trapped between her tongue and teeth that she doesn’t even understand. Lisette pushes her hopes aside. She was wrong to hope for things. She just ought to enjoy the peaceful middle of her story while it lasts. 

“Red’s your favorite color, right? I tried to set something up just for you.” 

Lisette glances at the unkempt blooms spread over the grassy hill. Poppies, tulips, and zinnias stare back.

Goldia kneels down to cup a tulip in her hand, fingers stroking over the stiff petals. Her eyes, Lisette notices, her eyes always have that brightness come over them whenever something fascinates her. It’s how she looks at Lisette (at least, this version of Goldia does). When she looks up she smiles brightly.

“Thank you, Lisette. This is beautiful.”

_I love you because you are you,_ Lisette says, _But I hate myself for being me. You don’t have to love me back, I just wish you could understand me._

She plucks a flower and settles it upon Goldia’s coppery brown hair. When she laughs it is tired but not shrill and mad like usual. 

“You look very pretty with flowers in your hair.”

“Thank you, Lisette. I’m certain you would look lovely with flowers in your hair, too.” Goldia shifts awkwardly. “To be fair, though, I’m not very good at styling hair or making daisy chains, but I want to try. For you.”

Once more, Lisette wishes she could tell her. If she told her the truth here and now, maybe the ending to the story might be happier. But that’s not how it goes, is it? She cannot spit it out. The words are trapped in her throat, and perhaps they will be forevermore.

For now, though she can pretend that this — Goldia trying to understand her, fingers weaving through flowers through unfinished braids as she tells her how lovely and soft Lisette’s hair is — is her happy end.

**Author's Note:**

> one of the things i really like about pocket mirror is how a lot of lisette's good ending depends on goldia trying to understand her - lisette is the personification of her mental illness and instead of ignoring her mental health goldia has to confront even the aspects of herself that make her uncomfortable or cause her pain and try to understand how they work in order to recover. this, i think, is an extremely important part of coping with mental illness - speaking as someone who has anxiety and is autistic (meaning my methods of coping and dealing with my emotions are very different from a neurotypical person's), this method has helped me recover.
> 
> i headcanon that goldia's sort of trapped in a time loop, i suppose, where she ends up encountering the girls over and over again, but never remembers any of the past loops (whether the girls do is a bit ambiguous, but lisette definitely does). her hurting lisette, i think, represents her not wanting to understand or confront her mental illness, instead preferring to hide away and fear it. there must have, i think, been at least one version of goldia that tried to understand lisette but might have failed anyways - unfortunately, the vast majority of the times she met lisette ended with her hurting lisette and refusing to try and help or understand her. because goldia did not try to understand her, lisette's bitterness grew worse. (this fic, of course, is about one of the versions of goldia that tried to understand lisette.)
> 
> i think the reason for this could have been a combination of both goldia's young age, as well as the fact that the 19th century (when pocket mirror takes place) had a very poor understanding of mental illness.
> 
> thank you for reading! comments are always appreciated.


End file.
